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Q&A

Q1. Who the hell are you? Are you this "Damian Cannon" character?
A1. Yes, I am. I created the "Movie Reviews UK" concept and resource in January 1996 and I write 99% of the reviews. If you've got a problem with the site then I'm your man.
Q2. So what do you do in real life?
A2. Well for the past few months I've been gainfully employed as a programmer, working in Visual Basic 5 (for what it's worth). I'm still learning though so I wouldn't bother asking me any technical questions!
Q3. That sounds pretty boring; don't you do anything else?
A3. Strange that you should ask; last year I, finally, completed my Doctorate in X-ray Astrophysics. Supposedly a preparation for life in academia, I decided to jump ship after 8 years in the sciences.
Q4. So you're a Dr? Wasn't all that effort wasted then?
A4. Maybe, it depends on how you look at it. From my perspective I enjoyed, on the whole, spending time at the cutting-edge of research. Anyway I'd always wanted to be a Doctor so I've at least got that ambition out of the way.
Q5. When and why did you start writing reviews?
A5. Well my first ever review was written in January 1996, following a Christmas of sloth. I was bored of my course, fed up of forgetting about all the movies that I was paying to watch and fancied a challenge.
Q6. So how do you decide whether to review a movie?
A6. If it's a new release and the comments are favourable, I'll probably make the effort. If it's an old classic on the big screen, I'll really make an effort to go see it. Otherwise I'll watch something that looks interesting on the telly or whatever grabs me from my big pile of videos.
Q7. Why are some of your reviews more like plot summaries?
A7. In the beginning were the dinosaurs, uh, I mean that a few years ago I had zero idea on how to be a critic. So I sat down, tried analysing a few films and read some other people's reviews; the results are here for you to see. Now I don't need this "crutch" but I quite like to set the context with some plot-based introductory comments.
Q8. How come there are so many reviews? Don't you have a life?
A8. Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Beyond the realm of cinema I like to swim (lots), cycle (competitively) and rock-climb (occasionally). When I can I squeeze in a concert or play, just to stop those brain cells dying off too rapidly, as well as whatever else takes my fancy. Maybe this is why I don't watch as many films as I used to!
Q9. What do your star ratings mean?
A9. Everything and nothing. They're merely a guide to how much I personally like the film. Thus they're subjective, intuitive and prone to unreliability. You can probably see that my list of films is top-heavy; like most people I too prefer to watch good films!
Q10. Why haven't you reviewed XXX? It's awesome!
A10. Life is too short. Nobody's paying me to do so. There is a big, wide world beyond that screen and I intend to explore all of it.
Q11. Have you reviewed this {insert name} movie?
A11. Look, this is what I've created an alphabetic list of reviews for; please use it. Okay, I have a reservoir of about thirty reviews that haven't yet been posted, but what are the likely chances of a match!
Q12. Why did you give my all-time favourite so few stars? It's awesome!
A12. As in much of everyday life, I have an opinion and it is subjective. In other words, unless you are a long-lost clone of me, our tastes will differ. If you really care passionately, then write a review yourself and send it to me. If it's half-decent, I'll publish it next to mine.
Q13. Why should I listen to you?
A13. I don't know. I'm not going to pay you, if that's what you mean! If you don't like what I have to say then go someplace else; there are 100s of on-line critics, of which at least one is likely to be palatable to you.
Q14. When do you post the new reviews?
A14. At the weekend! Oh, you want a more specific reply? Well I tend to put up five new reviews every week or two, depending on how busy I am. It's a hobby you know so don't expect punctuality (or completeness).
Q15. Can I send you some of my reviews?
A15. Sure. If you look closely you'll see that a few other people have walked down this path, so you wouldn't be alone. Just try and ensure that you're writing something worth reading, ok?
Q16. What's your favourite movie?
A16. I have no idea.
Q17. What films don't you like?
A17. I tried watching a Jerry Lewis movie once. The experience was on par with having my intestines scraped out by a heavy-machine operative, with a spoon. Other than that I'm easy.
Q18. Why didn't you reply to my e-mail/guestbook entry/carrier pigeon?
A18. Time is short and precious. While I always read every message that crosses my path, even the incomprehensible ones, I don't always have a spare moment in which to formulate a reply. However, I truly appreciate any feedback; thanks in advance.
Q19. Where are the pictures? I simply must see Ralph Fiennes right now!
A19. I'm lazy, so sue me! Anyway there are trillions of pictures scattered across the Internet, to which I can add nothing of merit. More important my site has limited disk space and I've already used up half of it with text alone!
Q20. I want you to link to my site, this instant!
A20. Woah, steady on there! Send me the URL and I promise to drop by your super-mega-fabulous site. If it's any good, of which I have no doubt, then you'll make it onto the hallowed page.
Q21. Can I find your reviews anywhere else?
A21. No, unless you count links for the IMDB and suchlike. If you do spot my work anywhere else then it has been stolen! I would really appreciate it if you could drop me a line identifying the culprit.
Q22. Can I copy/print/use your reviews as a teaching aid?
A22. Yes, but before hitting that save button frantically you must first e-mail me and ask for permission. Sure I'll probably never know if you don't but I would love to have the opportunity to know where my words are proving useful.
Q23. Have your reviews appeared anywhere else apart from on the web?
A23. No, unless you count being used as class notes. I just haven't got the time or inclination to try and become a "proper" journalist. I am, of course, open to offers.
Q24. Can you help me write this report/project/thesis?
A24. No. I've already written one of these and I don't intend to write another. You may, however, ask me a single question if you truly feel that it is essential.
Q25. Who directed/produced/starred-in the movie XXX?
A25. I have no idea - I'm not an encyclopaedia! This is exactly the sort of question that the IMDB relishes.
Q26. Where can I get this video?
A26. If it is at all possible, I'm even less of a video shop than I am an encyclopaedia. Not only am I probably located in a different country to you, I don't even buy videos myself.
Q27. Can you tell me everything that you know about Serpico?
A27. No. That's what books are for. Why do so many people ask me this question?
Q28. Where are you?
A28. At the moment I'm in Birmingham, England. Do you feel that your sum total of knowledge has now been incremented usefully?
Q29. What's your family motto?
A29. "What me worry?"
Q30. Why have you totally avoided my burning question?
A30. Because I'm not psychic. Send it to me and I will answer.

Last update: 4th January 1998

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